i had dinner last night with a dear friend. she is so full of energy and love, it’s contagious. after i spend time with her, i am optimistic with the knowledge that there are people like her in this world. last night, i also felt a deep level of sadness. her father is dying of the same type of brain cancer my father had, and much of our dinner conversation was about death and grieving. today, i am still reeling from our conversation. i feel sad, for all of the people that are affected by this disease. i feel grateful, for the way my father’s death created a bond with my siblings that i find difficult to express in words. i feel anger, for the seemingly inexplicable method that cancer chooses to attack. i feel helpless, knowing that there is not a damn thing i can do or say to take away the hurt of the people affected by cancer. i feel bitterness, toward the people that passed judgement on my family’s choices in the way we cared for my Dad in his last days. i feel appreciation, toward all the people that rallied around us then, and continue to do so now. i feel awe, having witnessed so many cancer survivors and their ability to persevere. i feel happy, knowing that my experiences and emotions have served as life lessons.
“learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose, there are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.” ~ elizabeth kubler-ross