i am the architect of my life

photoa little over a month ago, i was having a real rough day.  i won’t go into detail, but it definitely ranked up there on the shitty scale.  then, i received a little package in the mail.  it was a necklace, with the word “rise” in the middle.  rise is my word for 2014.  one of my close friends had read my blog post about my word and had it made for me.  the tears came, but this time they flowed because of joy and gratitude rather than sadness and hurt.  since that day, i have felt a shift in my life.  i have made some changes.  some big, some small.  and i have learned (or re-learned) a number of things about myself.

1.  i am the architect of my life.  it’s up to me to design what i want this life to look like.

2.  sometimes i need to retreat.  spend time alone.  read, write, think.  and sometimes that includes a break from sharing here on my blog.

3. occasional late nights out with girlfriends are renewing.  even if those nights involve tequila.

4.  there’s this thing called sleep.  you may have heard of it.  i hadn’t, at least for a long, long time.  i am now sleeping more than a couple hours a night.  it’s life changing, let me tell you.

5.  i love fiercely.  i am the survivor of a broken heart, a few times over.  i’ve tried to build walls around my heart, tried to cover it with armor made of steel to prevent heartbreak.  but my heart is too strong, too wild to be tamed.

6. my tears haven’t reduced me.  instead, they have provided me a freedom for greater compassion and love.  

7.  when i feel physically strong, it helps me feel mentally strong.  i need to move, stretch, and challenge my body in some way.  every.  damn.  day.

8.  most days, i think my friends just tolerate my crazy demeanor, loud laughter and fierce love.  but lately, so many have expressed gratitude for my bold ways.  these are the people i want to surround myself with.

9.  sometimes love just isn’t enough.  and sometimes it is everything.

10.  mother nature is one hell of a force.  the feel of snowflakes on my eyelashes during a run.  watching the sun rise.  bowing at the beauty of the moon.  it all grounds me.

11.  i am a seeker, for sure.  but sometimes, i need to take a break from seeking and let things sink in.

12.  i am not patient.  i try.  i really, really do.  but it’s not one of my strengths.  maybe this relates to #11?

13.  forgiveness has freed me of bitterness and anger.  and opened me up to compassion, positivity, and goodness.

14.  it warms my heart to express gratitude and love.  i give lots and lots of hugs and thank you’s and i love you’s.  life’s way too short not to.

15.  i am the architect of my life.  this deserves repeating, since i forgot this one for a while.  i am my own artist, builder, engineer.  it is up to ME to create a life that i feel is worth living.

2 Comments on “i am the architect of my life

  1. What a wonderful post. I love your 15 points. They are so true. I’m so happy you received your lovely necklace on that shittiest of days.

  2. I read this in the car yesterday and as usual, you struck some common nerves in me with your words. I’m so happy to see that necklace around your neck as a reminder and also it made my heart happy that a good friend listened and did something special for you. And btw, I got my awesome post card in the mail too and I’m grateful. Much love. Your friend Tracie

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