are you listening?

me

growing up, i never identified as a creative person.  i wasn’t an artistic child.  i didn’t – and still don’t – identify myself as any sort of writer.  i started this blog a little over a year ago as a way for me to stay accountable to my photography learning, and it has sort of evolved as a way for me to express myself through words in addition to me sharing some of my images.  the longer time goes on, the more confident i feel in sharing all that rumbles along in my head and heart. i now hold on to the concept that this blog can be described as my personal art project, expressing what is going on with me personally.  while i desire a connection to anyone that reads my raw emotions here, i don’t care about how many “likes” a post gets, how many followers i gain in a week, what the stats tell me.  my purpose here is not to be a popular blogger.  my blog is a place for me to show up and share – to process the beauty, messiness, rawness, and wonder of my life.  if, through my sharing and processing, i ignite some sort of emotional response in the reader, then hell yes.

most of the time, i have no idea if or how my online space resonates with anyone.  then, i have a week like this one, and i receive a number of messages from a handful of people, telling me how much they enjoy reading my blog.  by allowing my most vulnerable self to be seen here, it means something to them.  i was blown away by these people reaching out to share how connected they feel, how reading my words and seeing the images rings true to their life experiences.  one wonderful friend likened it to this:  i may sometimes feel like i’m yelling at the top of my lungs to an empty room, but people are listening, and i may not know it.  he said it’s similar to paying for someone else’s meal at a restaurant – i don’t get to see their reaction, but i can only hope that i have some sort of beneficial impact on their day.

in the last year, i have realized how much i love my alone time.  to read, take photos, to write.  up until recently, i didn’t realize how much i enjoyed my own company.  and yet, at my core, i know am renewed by time with others.  i love to sit and talk and learn about others and process life.  it seems this blog has offered me the opportunity to explore both sides of me – the person that needs alone time AND speak to others.  this is another insight into my own art, i suppose.  i can be by myself and share the shittiness of what i’m going through, or the goodness all around me.  either way, i am talking to you, and apparently, you are listening and following along.  i am so so grateful to all of you.  thank you for being here.

love you“to practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. so do it.” ~ kurt vonnegut

2 Comments on “are you listening?

  1. I know this feeling. I love being alone and in my own company, but at other times I feel lonely and need others around. But I do love how we can share through this community and be alone & together at the same time. xo I love your blog Colleen. 🙂

  2. I love being alone and sometimes I like being with people. I love your blog but I think you know that already because I always make sure and leave you a note as proof I was reading your words, nodding my head up and down. The image of you on top is stunning, I love the light beams across your face. I have discovered also that even when I think nobody is reading my blog, they are. I know this because I will run into someone and they will say “I love reading your blog” Yet I had no idea they were even reading it? They leave no proof and that’s okay. It really is okay. But I’m a big proof leaver. It’s how I feel connected to you. I love our virtual connection.

    Love your friend Tracie

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s