life lessons, even in death

i had dinner last night with a dear friend.  she is so full of energy and love, it’s contagious.  after i spend time with her, i am optimistic with the knowledge that there are people like her in this world.  last night, i also felt a deep level of sadness.  her father is dying of the same type of brain cancer my father had, and much of our dinner conversation was about death and grieving.  today, i am still reeling from our conversation.  i feel sad, for all of the people that are affected by this disease.  i feel grateful, for the way my father’s death created a bond with my siblings that i find difficult to express in words.  i feel anger, for the seemingly inexplicable method that cancer chooses to attack.  i feel helpless, knowing that there is not a damn thing i can do or say to take away the hurt of the people affected by cancer.  i feel bitterness, toward the people that passed judgement on my family’s choices in the way we cared for my Dad in his last days.  i feel appreciation, toward all the people that rallied around us then, and continue to do so now.  i feel awe, having witnessed so many cancer survivors and their ability to persevere.  i feel happy, knowing that my experiences and emotions have served as life lessons.

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“learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose, there are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.” ~ elizabeth kubler-ross

a sweet boy & his sun

kona LOVES to be warm.  he loves fireplaces and blankets over his head and sunlight.  i have taken pictures of him basking in the sun throughout his life.  he just always seems so content.  this one is from this morning.

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